i have had enough of everything.

why? tell me why.
i'm appearing to be smiley, i'm appearing to be happy, i'm appearing to be carefreee.
i'm actually feeeling so upset, so stress and with alot of problems.

i'm afraid of Os, i'm afraid of facing humans, i'm afraid of everything.
i'm afraid of saying the wrong things every single day, i'm afraid of scoldings, i'm afraid of my surrounding. i'm only comfortable when i'm at home, or during weekends out with hpys.

at the rate i'm going, i think.. i'll be going crazy soon enough.

i dont know why i care abt what others are saying, i dont know why i get scolded everyday, i dont know how i manage through the day. i'm amazed with myself for all that, at least.. i havent yet to break down. no, not yet.

i had to think thru what i want to say when i'm infront of some ppl, i dont know what others are thinking&i'm confused with everything.

i had always thought i'm someone who knows what i want, what i aim for.. and yes, i'm suppose to be strong. at least, i'm suppose to withstand all the nonsense thrown right to my face. i'm suppose to endure everything and talk back.

now, i dont even feeel like talking back, i dont even feeeel like enduring nonsense anymore.. the only thing i know is, i'm stilll clear of what i want in future, but what abt now?

wait, give me time.
days, months or even years, i'll be back. but yes, you dont have to be the one waiting. i hate you.
hate is such a strong word, but i really do. seriously&i mean it.

bye. dont comment on my entries.